By: Kathy Petteys, Chaplain with Heritage Ministries
Originally a Webinar presentation on 9/19/20.
I am Chaplain Kathy. I am a Chaplain with Heritage Ministries that is based out of Gerry, New York. I work in three assisted living homes in Jamestown, NY and a Nursing Home located in Western, PA. I want to capture the story of the people living in long term care during this present Covid19 crises. The Elder’s story I am going to share is a composite of the many Elders God has given me the gift of knowing and walking with as their Chaplain.
I know they care, but time is always of the essence in getting a job done. I never thought I would become someone’s job.
My name is Agnes Rosella Maloney. I was born in 1936. I ended up in a nursing home due to a series of strokes. I could no longer take care of myself and it was too much to expect my family to take care of me. My kids are scattered everywhere. Only a couple of my kids stayed in the home area. I lost my home of 40 years, two of my children died as adults (I had 7), I lost my husband 10 years ago, several siblings and of course my parents. I feel like my life these days has been nothing but losses... Losing my independence has been so difficult for me. Then having to have different aids give me baths and take me to the bathroom has been embarrassing for me. I am wheel-chaired bound. They have so many to take care of it is almost impossible to sit and have a conversation just about the weather or things I enjoy talking about. I know they care, but time is always of the essence in getting a job done. I never thought I would become someone’s job.
I have had a full life, but it is not over yet, I am still here. I want you to know my story. I have a story; everyone does. I was born into a large family. I was the baby of the family. My home growing up did not have a television. I remember December of 1941. It was an exciting time because Christmas was coming and all my family was going to be together. My older siblings were coming home. I will never forget the day that our lives changed forever. It was December 7, 1941. We were all sitting around the radio when the news came that Pearl Harbor was hit. I remember my older teenage brothers saying to each other, “tomorrow we need to go and enlist.” And that is what they did. We were thrown into WWII. Christmas of 1941 was not what we were dreaming of. Three of my brothers left before Christmas that year for military service. Two came home at the end of the war, one of those had been badly wounded. We did what families do. We helped each other out. My childhood was also impacted by a polio outbreak. It had struck our country for a third time in 1946. It was so bad that President Harry Truman declared polio a threat to the USA. There seemed to be someone affected with this disease in every family. But again as a family, we were there for each other and supported each other and our community as best we could. Thankfully a vaccine was developed.
I went on to grow up, get married and have my own family. My husband and I worked hard. We were a middle-class family and as a young married couple, we did not have the privilege of studying beyond high school. We had our ups and downs, our struggles and scares. But once again we always had each other as a family and with many friends, we were blessed. We worked hard to buy our own home. I was what they call today a traditional housewife. I had the privilege of staying home to care for the family and my parents and in-laws as they aged. As my children were growing I had nephews I loved sent off to Vietnam. It was another crazy time in our country. We saw changes that needed to happen with the Civil Rights moment. I don’t have time to tell the stories of people I know and the lives they lived. Our country has seen many changes in my lifetime. But as always I have had a loving family and a great circle of friends.
I lived a full life and my plan was to die in my own home with family surrounding me. But the strokes took away my independence and to the nursing home I went to live out the last years of my life. I had to have a roommate. My only roommates in life were my sisters and then my husband. But now I was with a total stranger. I have a strong faith in God so I know He was helping me through with all these changes. The loss of my home was so hard, everything my husband and I work so hard for was whittled down to a small space. But that was ok. I adjusted. But I still had some of my family and some of my friends who came to see me.
I love to know about other people’s lives. I have met folks who also, lost their independence and had to move to this nursing home I live in now. I have met people who are moms and dads, grandparents, great grandparents, teachers, nurses, engineers, firemen, doctors, farmers, ministers, veterans of WWII and Vietnam, the list goes on and on. Such a wealth of experiences in this nursing home. I even know people who worked here in their younger years. Others I have met came to live here quite young due to accidents.
I was adjusting. As long as my family could come and see me, it gave me hope. The hugs, the in-person “I love you”, the gathering at Thanksgiving and Christmas gave me hope.
I have had regular visits from family. They would come and celebrate my birthday and holidays. One of my sons came every Sunday to take me to the church service in the nursing home. A lady on my floor had a son or daughter come every day to talk with her while she ate breakfast and then they would take her for a stroll in her wheelchair. When I came to live here we had special trips to the store, the county fair and every week we had Bible Studies we could attend and mid-week devotions. We also had services for the Catholic folks and the Protestants on Sunday. A group from the Brethren and Amish communities would come and sing for us, often. Their music is absolutely beautiful and full of hope. I was adjusting. As long as my family could come and see me, it gave me hope. The hugs, the in-person “I love you”, the gathering at Thanksgiving and Christmas gave me hope. With family and friends around me, I felt like I could get through the many losses I have faced in life. I could live and really live in a nursing home.
Then this virus hit out country after Christmas 2019. COVID-19 is what they call it. Who would ever thought the government would come into my nursing home and tell us we could no longer have in-house visits. We have a restaurant in our home and that was closed. We all had to eat isolated in our rooms. The shocking rules kept coming. Our hairdresser was not allowed to come in. NO HAIRCUTS! Some of us had our hair done weekly. Many of the men had regular hair cuts every other week. The most shocking thing we were told was that our families and friends were no longer allowed to visit us. Oh yes, I could see them through a window. But sometimes there was a glare or I could not hear. Even though they were only inches away, it felt like they were miles away. I wanted to hold my new great grandchild, but I could not. In the nursing home, group activities were stopped and no more gathering for church. The Catholic deacons could not come in to give services or communion. This happened several weeks before Easter 2020. Now Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming. Will I have to live through those holidays without family and friends? We had a bit of hope last week, families were able to visit, but six feet apart and no touching, mask on and someone present so we would not be able to sneak in a hug. Then staff tested positive, asymptomatic, but positive. Back to the rules of no visits. Everyone who gives my care in this place is masked and has to wear eye protection. So many barriers. Honestly, why live? The community that gave me life and a reason to live cannot even come near me. What is most important to me has been taken away...family. I see in other residents besides myself: a very deep depression, hopelessness, anxiety. I hear other residences say, “I miss my wife; I am old, I don’t have much time left; I can’t hold my grandchild or great-grandchildren; It doesn’t matter if I get Corona or not, I am going to die without seeing/holding/hugging my family; All I want is my hair cut; I cannot hear through a window!; All I want to do is go out with my son for ice cream; I have completely lost my summer; I am bored; I have to be in hospice to have family hold me again...”
Where is Jesus? That is where I want to begin with my story as a Chaplain. I understand that the lockdown in nursing homes saves lives. This virus, as we know when it gets into a nursing home it spreads like wildfire. When I was a little girl growing up on a dairy farm in the Adirondack’s of New York, a neighbor, by the name of Ann came and picked me up for church. I was unchurched. She had a little girl my age at the time (5-years-old), my best friend during those years. My memories of my little church fill me with joy. Ann and her faithfulness to bring me to church when she and her husband had a bunch of kids was such a blessing to me. Ann in her 90’s died in a nursing home where the virus got in and spread. Her family could only stand outside the window shouting I LOVE YOU MOM. She loved Jesus and I know I will see her one day again! That brings me hope and comfort.
As a chaplain, I see the human plaques of HOPELESSNESS, LONELINESS, and BOREDOM invading the humane spirit. Because of the laws passed down to us from the government, we are limited as to what we can do as humans. BUT that does not limit God. God is never limited. When you think God has abandoned you read and memorize Zephaniah 3:17.
“ For the LORD your GOD is Living among you, He is a mighty Savior, He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
For such a time as this the Lord Jesus has called His believers to lead and be His Voice. Jesus is with us and working through us as believers. In these months, my Chaplain responsibilities can be defined by three words: PRAYER/LISTENING/VISITATION. I do prayer walks around my Nursing home in Pennsylvania several times during my work week. The Lord Jesus has given me many opportunities to not only share the love of Jesus with the Elders but also with their families and my co-workers.
I would like to conclude with this thought: Every day at work I need to put on 2 types of PPE. One set is my mask, goggles, and a gown(at times). The other PPE is found in Ephesians 6:
A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the
time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.
And pray for me, too. Ask God to give me the right words so I can boldly explain God’s mysterious plan that the Good News is for Jews and Gentiles alike. I am in chains now, still preaching this message as God’s ambassador. So pray that I will keep on speaking boldly for him, as I should.
The “chains of Coronavirus, does not stop the message of Jesus. Where is Jesus? He is right here, in you and in me. He is Immanuel! God with us!